One night mid week, whilst on the phone, he began a conversation telling me his mum was going out for the evening on the weekend. I knew exactly where the conversation was heading, although nervous if he was going to ask what I thought he was, which was obviously to come to his house, I knew I wanted him to. He did. He eventually asked if I wanted to come over and ‘chill’ so I agreed. Immediately whilst still on the phone I began to act out scenarios in my head. I had met up with boys before, in the dark, on a one to one basis but I hadn’t yet with him or anyone that I had an extreme sexual desire towards. This was new to me. The thought of going to meet with The Boy, unaware of what could possibly happen scared me deep down but overall it was in a good way so I wasn’t at all worried, just nervous. What if mid passionate kiss we bashed teeth and I knocked his out? What if he stripped me naked and he didn’t like the amount of pubic hairs I had!? What if, we had the sex and he put it into my bum by accident!? My mind was manifesting all these scenarios except the one normal one that may actually happen. What if, his mum goes out, I go to his house and we watch television, sit in each others company relaxed but nervous and have our first kiss and everything is cute but fine. That one, that’s the one I liked best. We carried on our phone conversation and when we hung up I wrote a smiley face down on a piece of paper then fell asleep with a smile. He made me so happy.
It was Thursday, the weekend was fast approaching and being somewhat of a perfectionist I wanted to make sure nothing could go wrong, so I practised kissing the mirror to perfect a technique! Everyone else had told me their usual kissing practice was either to kiss the back of their hand, or pillow, mine was the mirror. I had convinced myself after I had had my braces taken off that kissing yourself with tongues against a mirror felt like someone was kissing you back, made it feel just that tiny bit less pathetic and embarrassing. I had kissed other people, so I wasn’t sure why I was putting so much emphasis into making this one the best but my worst nightmare would have been kissing The Boy and him not liking it. So at most given opportunities I would stand in front of the mirror and act out a romantic scene then lovingly kiss it, then wipe off the dribble and condensation afterwards. Sexy! The eagerly anticipated day was nearing. We had arranged to meet on the Saturday so Friday evening I had to decide what I was going to wear. I wanted to make sure I looked nice. I couldn’t decide on what to wear initially but raiding my wardrobe thoroughly helped and I picked out a skirt and a polo neck jumper. It was nearing winter so a jumper was fitting, however a skirt I didn’t exactly think through but what could I do, I wanted to show some skin, it would do he lived near me, maybe I could run there! Saturday finally came, we were finally going to be alone together, off the streets, in a house, The Boy and I alone.
Throughout the day we spoke as normal. Being the weekend I met up with Megan and a few other friends during the day, which was the normal routine. Evening seemed to approach swiftly, or at least I thought it did. Usually I would stay at Megan’s until it got dark and then walk home but today I was itching to be somewhere else. I hadn’t told any of my friends where I was going, just made my excuses and left. I needed ample preparation time. On arrival back home I slowly but surely, ironed my clothes, showered, did my hair and sat down meticulously moisturising every inch of my skin. On a normal day I would obviously moisturise but if I missed somewhere it wasn’t a big deal, today however there was no way I was going to let The Boy possibly touch any part of me and feel that my skin was dry. I put my clothes on and sat on my bed and waited. What now? Should I call him, Should I wait for him to call me? He had said his mum would be leaving about seven thirty and I looked at the time on my mobile and it was coming up to seven thirty. I wanted to ring him, but I didn’t want to seem eager so I didn’t. I just waited. Finally, but what seemed liked forever I received a call from a withheld number, it was him. He told me his mum had left and I could come round. The butterflies flitted around in my stomach as I told him I would leave. He only lived about a ten minute walking distance away from me so I happily began my journey.
The sky was dark, and the air was chilly but I couldn’t feel anything on my bare legs because my whole body was warm with excitement. I walked along breaking into intermittent smiles as I thought about who I was on my way to see. I approached the small through road I would need to walk down in order to walk the last few metres to his house and I froze. What the hell was I doing?! My brain started racing with new ideas and my heart felt like it was beating at one hundred miles per hour. He was alone in there, what if he tried to mount me and have sex with me, what was I meant to do if he decided he wanted to get into my knickers? I couldn’t let what had nearly happened to me before happen to me again, I was in a skirt this time there was no way I could fight someone off. The Boy was so much bigger then me, so much bigger then the horrible guy who tried it before. He would most certainly get to see my fanny if he tried hard enough, a skirt was a rooky mistake! I turned back towards home, I didn’t feel comfortable anymore. As I was walking back on myself my phone rang, it was a withheld number again, it was The Boy asking if I was still coming. I looked around, looked up at the night sky, looked down at my feet on the floor. My legs had suddenly got cold, like every gush of wind was wrapping itself around them. Hearing his voice made me feel at ease and I started calming down. He wasn’t going to force himself onto me, how could I even think that, he just wanted to spend time with me and likewise. It was The Boy, the only guy I felt comfortable with how could I compare him to the silly people of my past, to that one person who was juvenile enough to think trying to undress me aggressively was going to get him what he wanted, I felt rather silly. I told him I was nearly there and hung up the phone, turned back towards my original destination and literally skipped to his house. As I neared the end of his road I began looking at all the door numbers, in order to locate his, I found it and opened the gate. All the lights were off, the house was completely dark. Instead of knocking, in case I had walked to the wrong door I called him and told him I was outside. The house being covered in darkness made me nervous. As I hung up the phone I saw a light come on in a back room and I felt somewhat relieved. Then the door opened and The Boy stood in the hallway beckoning me to come inside. This was it, I was finally there and we were finally completely alone.
